4 In The Morning
by Danielle Anderson
Summary: “So you mean to say that you think that Kira loved you more than I do?” RaitoxL AU genderswitch


Disclaimer: I do not own _Death Note_.

Raito never thought he would have it this good.

He was finally in a respectable position in the NPA, married to the love of his life, had a comfortable home, which made life more bearable when his father turned his face away, refusing to talk to him or when the other NPA members whispered behind his backs about what a disappointment he was to his father, or when he saw the amount of sugar that his wife purchased on a weekly basis.

(Thankfully, she had her own generous income to help with that.)

No, despite all drawbacks, life was pretty darn good, and what made it even better was L curled up beside him beneath the blanket after a rough session of wall sex.

About forty-five minutes earlier, Raito had had her pushed against the bedroom wall with her legs wrapped around his waist and her deep voice telling him to stop shoving her so much since she wasn't made out of metal, her smoky eyes glazed with passion. Now, sated, she had her head on his shoulder, thick black hair brushing gently against his skin while he lazily rubbed the wall burn on her back.

Hmm, red did look very nice against white, he noticed, relaxed.

"That was really good," said L with childlike happiness.

"Mm-hmm," he agreed non-verbally, closing his eyes as he sighed with contentment.

"But next time, Raito-kun should not push me so hard," she chided him disapprovingly.

"Of course." What he was hoping for most right now is that she wouldn't hop up, get dressed and go downstairs, saying that she needed to work on a really important case for which she was no doubt getting millions; he'd been busy all week, working late night shifts and he was just really looking forward to staying home and spending time with L.

She tilted her head back to look at the nightstand, disappointed to find it empty. Not too long ago, Raito had hidden all her stash of candy to give her the strong hint that she should be eating healthy instead.

She didn't care.

"I'm hungry," she announced, pulling away from him, destroying the pretty afterglow and forcing Raito to clear his mind, something not tempting at all when he was nearly drifting off to sleep.

"Where are you going?" he wanted to know, alert eyes focused on her.

"To the kitchen," she answered, pulling on her shirt and jeans. He sighed and followed her after wearing his boxers. Damn, he'd been so relaxed, so comfortable but no, her stupid, perpetual sugar lust had to barge in and ruin everything.

He wished sugar had never been discovered in the first place. Things would have been so much simpler if people were still sweetening things with honey instead of that processed powdery white stuff that she seemed so addicted to.

Maybe for their anniversary, he should send her to a rehabilitation camp and pay for it with _her_ credit card.

He watched with mild disapproval as she scooped some strawberry Jell-O out of the fridge and helped herself to some extra, completely unnecessary in his opinion, sugar cubes. She hopped up on a stool at the kitchen counter, drawing up her knees to sit in her trademark position and winced a little, earning a smug smirk from him.

He decided that he could prepare himself some green tea while she ate, and when he was done, he sat beside her and sipped his tea quietly, wondering if she would be in the mood for another session once they had finished eating.

Green tea had always invigorated him and sugar was an aphrodisiac for her.

"Your mother called today," said L suddenly, causing Raito to look at her. That was an odd thing to say since Mrs. Yagami called her almost on a daily basis.

"Okay. Anything important?"

"She thinks that we should have dinner with her on Saturday night."

He winced at that. "I think Dad would have a problem with that," he pointed out, raising his cup to his lips.

"Yes, I know. That is why she said that we would be dining out."

This surprised him. "Does my father know about this?" he asked curiously.

L paused. "I don't think so," she said. "Mrs. Yagami would never inform him about her plan when she keenly knows about the animosity between you."

An animosity that she had been the cause of, in other words, but he wasn't complaining – he was terribly happy that they were together so anyone who didn't share that sentiment could go to hell.

Unless they were his father, in which case they would just give him the silent treatment and make him like it.

"So what did you tell her?" he pressed.

"I told her it was a wonderful idea and that we'd be delighted to join her," L took a spoonful of red Jell-O and chewed it like a cow chewing grass.

"What?" he exclaimed. "You told her that we were coming?"

"Of course," she looked at him, confused and owlish. "Why wouldn't we?"

"You didn't even consult with me!" he said crossly.

"I don't see any reason why you wouldn't want to go," she pointed out to him calmly, her spoon resting for a moment against the bowl. "Your mother talks about you very often and I thought it was a good opportunity for the two of you to see each other."

Now even though Raito was thinking that Mrs. Yagami should talk him more often instead of her daughter-in-law, he felt guilty. There was no doubt that he missed his mother, too, not to mention Sayu, but he didn't like the idea of them eating out and having a good time together while his father sulked at home and wondered why all his family had betrayed him.

But he could see where L was coming from, being from Wammy's House and all.

"All right, fine," he gave in grudgingly. "But next time you decide to accept an invitation, just tell me about it first, okay?"

"Yes, certainly," she replied in a tone that informed him she had no intention of doing so, and he rolled his eyes.

They stayed there for a while longer until L had finished her Jell-O and now she was getting some prune juice.

"I just don't think it's very romantic to go dining out with family if you want to have some time alone," he suggested, making a point because Saturday was his next day off and he really wanted to have some privacy with L, too.

She swallowed her Jell-O and thought about what he'd said.

"You know," she remarked suddenly, "Kira was actually more romantic."

That made him stop.

"Kira was more romantic?" he echoed.

She nodded absently, hair falling over her eyes and she leisurely stirred the prune juice and then put some in her mouth with the spoon.

He wasn't sure how he should react to that. "This is the first time you've actually said something…_nice_ about him," he said truthfully.

"Yes, I suppose I have," L answered slowly and she raised her head to meet his gaze, waiting for his next move as though they were in combat.

He laughed briefly, mirthlessly. "What exactly about him was more romantic?" he tried not to sound harsh.

L's expression turned pensive. "Well," she began thoughtfully. "He often complimented me."

Cinnamon eyes narrowed into slits on the verge on malicious curiosity. "What did he say?"

"Hmm," she looked down, almost as though she were shy. He didn't think she had it in her to be shy. "He once told me that my eyes were like pearls."

Raito almost burst out laughing when he heard that. "That's so cheesy," he criticized, shaking his head. "I can't believe you would call that romantic. He almost sounds like he was leading you on."

"No," she disagreed, taken aback by his reaction. "He was being genuine."

Raito was…confounded, to say the very least. "But I thought you weren't big on romance," he objected as a means to save face because he really didn't like another man knowing more about his wife, even if the other man _was_ him. Or used to be him in another lifetime.

"Everyone likes to be romanced once in a while, Yagami-kun," she replied as-a-matter-of-factly. "Even me."

That dumbstruck him more than he cared to admit. All this time he had thought that L was indifferent to overtly sweet gestures of affection but now, he comprehended that he was a poor judge of character.

"So you don't think I'm romantic?" he charged, desperately trying to find a way to top his former self, competitive that he was.

"Uh," she thought about it. "It wouldn't hurt to give me flowers from time to time."

"Flowers?" he cried incredulously, eyes bulging so much that they looked like they might pop out of his sockets. "I thought you hated flowers."

"It's the thought that counts," reasoned L. And trust her to bring reason out on her side. "And I don't exactly 'hate' flowers. I rather like black roses – I find them quite elegant and romantic."

(Had Kira ever given her black roses?)

His jaw tightened. "So you mean to say that you think that Kira loved you more than I do?" the question came out as a snarl.

She did not flinch and she stirred her juice again. The dark colour had stained her mouth most becomingly but now was not the time to dwell on that.

"Not exactly." She took another sip of her juice, darkening the stain. "I think Kira was just more passionate than you, Light Yagami." She tilted her head, eyeing him curiously for a moment. "As a matter of fact," a thin thumb found its way to the corner of her lips, a wicked glint in her onyx eyes, her voice soft, "I sometimes think that you don't love me at all."

Raito was left speechless. What had she said? "I don't love you?" he sputtered in absolute shock. "How could you say that? Have you lost your mind?"

Surprising him even more, L chuckled lightly and put away her juice. It was gone down, just a red-purplish glass. "Relax, Raito-kun, I was just teasing you," she smiled at him. "You're quite fun when you're jealous."

Now she was just being _mean_.

"You think this is funny?" he glowered dangerously at her, but she wasn't afraid. She simply sighed, as though she were exasperated with his immature competitiveness.

"Yes, to some extent, I do," she answered.

"So you still think Kira was more romantic than me?" he refused to settle the matter.

"He was," she still held onto her point. "But I married you." She looked at him. "Don't you think it's a little silly that you're jealous of yourself?"

"Jealous of _myself_? He – I'm not _him_!"

"But you and Kira are the same person," L pointed out thoughtfully, wondering why it was something that he always refused to accept.

"Don't say that!" objected Raito strongly, forehead wrinkling with remonstration, cinnamon eyes worried because she had said the one thing that he never wanted to hear. "I'm nothing like him."

"Hmm." She paused. "All right, Raito-kun, I'm sorry."

And now she was apologizing? What the hell?

"I didn't think you'd be so offended," she went on. "I'll never say it again." Except that she would, in other ways. Though lately, after he'd spent a week at his father's, with Yagami-san out of town, the Kira accusations had ebbed considerably like a storm. As a matter of fact, this was the first time either of them had brought Kira up.

"Of course I'm offended." He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "How am I supposed to feel when you tell me that this…this_mass-murderer_ was more romantic, probably even loved you more than I do?" He stared at her, searching her eyes, looking for a reason that had made her say that.

"I was only joking about that, Yagami-kun," she sounded genuinely concerned now, something rare coming from her. "I really am sorry. I have no doubt about your feelings for me."

"My feelings for you?" he reverberated stupidly, hating how impersonal and objective that sounded. "I _love_ you, damn it!"

"Yes," she said in an urgent attempt to quell his rising temper, "I don't doubt that…"

"But you still think that that monster was more _romantic_ than I am?" Raito pressed her, almost aggressively because when he was angry. "You know, maybe _you're_ the one who doesn't love me!" he accused her like a tetchy child.

"That's not true –" she started to protest, obsidian orbs brimming with trepidation. "You know that I love you."

"Yeah, well," he snorted and shook his head again. "I guess I fall short because I'm not _romantic_ enough for the great L," he spat the last bit out vehemently, pushing back his stool and striding to the door.

"Where are you going?" she called helplessly, getting up and following him.

"To sleep," he answered over his shoulder as she watched him climb the stairs. "_Alone_."

L opened her mouth to say something but then she seemed to think better of it, and held her peace. Too angry to even care, Raito stepped into the guest room and slammed the door behind him.

* * *

It was his day off but for the first time, he wished it wasn't because that meant he would have nothing to do except stay home with L and be more pissed off by her company. He hadn't slept well unfortunately because he'd kept hearing the resonance of their fight through most of the night, even in his dreams, which were supposed to provide solace.

He washed up and then went to the master bedroom only to find that the door was open. L usually closed it when she was sleeping so she must be awake. He threw on a pair of jeans, a sweater over a T-shirt and went downstairs quietly, following the lulling sound of her baritone voice to where she was.

She was crouching on the sofa in the living room with her back turned to him, a shawl wrapped around her, bare feet rubbing each other for warmth, silver cell phone dangling perilously at one ear.

"I know, Watari," she said with a little sigh. "I honestly didn't mean it that way but – " she paused to listen to what the older man had to say on the other line. "Yes, well, I can't say that communication has been my greatest skills." She seemed a little grumpy about that.

From where he stood at the door, he could see her curling the edge of the shawl around her forefinger like a distressed wife twisting a handkerchief. The shawl was black with dark, colourful flowers embroidered a few inches above the ends and it was something he had given to her for the winter last month. It had been a little too expensive for a shawl, he opined, and L wasn't big on expensive clothing but she'd really liked this one and even though he couldn't see her properly, he could tell that it looked very nice on her.

And she thought he wasn't romantic.

What had Kira given her, diamonds? Written her an epic love poem? Had great sex with her in a fancy hotel?

(Well, the last one was probably true.)

"Watari," she was saying on the phone in English, "I _know_ that it wasn't a nice thing to say but what was I supposed to tell him?" Again, she paused to listen. There was a frown in her voice. "I thought you said it wasn't a good idea to lie to people you loved?" Another pause. "A white lie? Hmm, I suppose I could've done that." She glanced back and before he could hide behind the wall, she had already noticed him.

"Uh, I'll have to call you back," she said and quickly ended the call. "Raito-kun," she looked at him, astonished, as she lowered the cell phone. "You're up. Good morning."

Raito nodded curtly at her, expression grave. "Good morning." He walked over to the kitchen, feeling her gaze on him, as if she were wondering what to do next. She came up beside the counter, where he was standing and looking into the fridge for the box of leftover rice and vegetables from last night.

"Uh, I made you some breakfast," she offered hesitantly, gesturing towards the counter, where he saw a plate of eggs and bread and sausages, along with a cup of coffee. A Western breakfast but he wasn't surprised by that. What really did astonish him was that L had actually cooked for him. Which meant that she must be feeling really guilty.

"Well, thanks," he said politely, and then focused his attention back on the fridge. "But I'm really in the mood for last night's leftovers." Plus, he didn't want to make himself ill from her cooking.

She stared at him dumbly. "You won't eat that?" she questioned, glancing at the warm, ready breakfast. She sounded so hurt that it broke his heart and made him feel like a jerk, but he quickly steeled himself and threw on a mask of pleasantness as he turned back to her.

"No," he said with an amiable smile.

She seemed upset. "Okay," she answered, demoralized and then she went back to the drawing room, shoulders more slouched and pace more dragging than usual. He almost felt sorry for her but then he recalled that she thought Kira was more romantic than him, and he no longer sympathised.

But he didn't want the food to go to waste so he quickly covered up the plate and put it in the fridge right after he'd found the much sought-after rice and vegetables. Oh, and there was shrimp, too. Great.

He heated his new breakfast in the microwave while making himself a new cup of coffee. What could he do with the old one that L had made?

_Well, I suppose I could pour it over the moneyplant when it cools down._

That's too mean for you, Raito Yagami.

With his plate in one hand and tea in another, the brown-haired man walked back to the living room, where his wife was on the sofa again, listlessly staring outside the window like she was greatly troubled by something.

And right so, he decided with inward complacency. 

But no, he shouldn't be here and showing off to her and making her feel worse than she already did…though, she deserved to feel bad about all the Kira accusations she'd thrown at him in the past – he should eat somewhere else where she wouldn't look hurt about his new breakfast because deep in his heart, he couldn't bear to see her in pain…

But resentment took over like Napoleon conquering Egypt and he sat a few feet away from her and started eating his rice and vegetables, which were starting to taste like poison.

(All because he'd hurt her.)

(_Shut up._)

Her eyes rested on him for a moment or two before they turned away to look back at the window. They exchanged no words for pride and hurt; the only sounds in the room were the clinking of chopsticks against the plate and the shuffling of feet on the sofa cushion.

The food that Raito was eating was compliments of his mother and while he wished that she wouldn't send them so many desserts, he couldn't complain about the other dishes.

"Did you eat?" he asked L casually to ease the tension in the room.

She turned towards him. "Just a bit," she answered slowly, trying to look past his exterior the way she must have countless times when he used to be Kira. And then hesitantly, "What did you do with the food?"

"Put it in the fridge," he replied and took a sip of tea; it was nice and hot.

And suddenly tasted like lead because he could see the pain in those obsidian eyes that he'd rejected her gesture of love and apology. And he had never been one to deny anything to his most beloved wife.

_What is she thinking now?_ he mused silently. _Is she wondering if I still love her or not?_ He'd never _not_ paid her any attention.

Well, he wasn't going to back down now. She deserved to suffer – just a bit, though – so that she would learn to be faithful to her good, honest husband and not favour a mass-murdering vigilante over him.

_Aren't you blowing this out of proportion?_ his conscience poked him. _Doesn't matter._ Because he was still mad.

"Okay," she answered.

He finished his breakfast, glad to see the last of the rice and vegetables and shrimp disappear down his mouth. "That was delicious," he commented and it was one of the biggest lies he'd uttered.

* * *

The rest of the morning was spent in silence. Raito and L avoided each other like measles and the plague and while she spent most of the time downstairs working on her iBook, he remained in his room reading, watching TV and being bored.

No doubt he was still angry. He'd never held a grudge for so long and she _had_ compared him to being Kira before but this time, what she'd said was something he couldn't ignore easily.

_You know, Kira was more romantic than you._

He once told me that my eyes were like pearls.

His hand clenched around the sheets in rage. _Eyes like pearls!_ Of course L's eyes were like pearls! They seemed black on the outside but if you looked carefully, they were rimmed in grey and a gentle light shone in them, making them look like pearls.

He rarely spoke of how empty he felt knowing that he'd been responsible for something terrible but great and he couldn't even remember it. There were huge chunks in his memory with nothing in them and he secretly really wanted to know what had really happened, wanted to understand what had led to do what he did, and confirm that he was really capable of those actions.

So when L hated Kira, it was easy for him because he hated Kira, too, and now and then, Kira was mentioned in the news on TV or the radio, and he didn't know what to feel about that. But when L said that Kira was more _romantic_ and he _wasn't_, it broke his heart because something he couldn't remember saying, couldn't remember doing had actually found a place in hers.

(And how could she say that? How could she say that when all he wanted to do on Saturday was be alone with her, talk to her, love her and make her happy?)

He loved L. He really did. He always tried to make her happy even though some of the things she did got under his nerves but in the end of the day, he was more than happy that they were together. So what did he lack? Was he really not romantic?

Okay, maybe back then, he admitted that he might have been more attentive – in his Kira days, he admitted with a grudge – but that was because he didn't have all the pressures from adult life, with no job or other pressing responsibilities.

Though from what he understood, Kira's aim in life was to rid the world of evil and he didn't have time for anything else. So when did he get the time to romance L?

And L, to him, had always been a woman so down-to-earth, not someone with her head in her clouds, and she wouldn't pay any attention to compliments clearly directed at softening her up and manipulating her.

(Even though she was a master of manipulation herself.)

However his pride had been wounded to know that she did enjoy such compliment and she did like flowers to some extent (how come he didn't remember that she liked black roses, if he'd been the one to give them to her?).

How many women had Kira wooed like that? Only Misa but that was bad enough for Raito's conscience. And L…well, Kira had loved her, too and of all the things that he had done and felt, this was the only one that remained in Raito.

Suddenly, he was filled with a new determination, a new purpose that he had to fulfil in the short term to defeat his worst enemy…for the time being.

He was going to prove to L that he was more romantic than Kira.

* * *

"Here are the last reports, Raito-kun," Matsuda laid down a stack of papers on Raito's desk. The younger man glanced at them and nodded.

"Okay, thanks."

Matsuda nodded and took a step back, hesitating like he wanted to say something. Raito looked up at him coolly, wondering it was.

"Uh, how's Ryuuzaki doing?" the older policeman asked, nervously scratching the back of his head and smiling genially.

Raito's expression did not change. "She's fine," he answered. "Busy with another case but other than that, she's doing great." He usually didn't talk much about her with other people since they both preferred their privacy but he tried to be casual because he didn't want others to suspect anything. He remembered that they had been quite surprised when he'd married L, for they never thought that she'd be his type, him always having dated pretty girls.

"That's great," said Matsuda and after another nervous, irritating laugh, he hurried out of the room.

Ah, now peace and quiet.

He worked at his desk for a good two hours before the report was done and he felt thirsty. He had to leave his office to go to the secretary pool outside and give them the report so that they could forward it to his superiors.

The women giggled and blushed when they saw him approaching and he heard a faint whisper of _Have you seen his wife?_ somewhere in the room and he frowned because he really disliked people making fun of L.

For the only one who could make fun of L was Raito Yagami.

"I need this to be sent to the Director by this afternoon," he dropped the report on one of the secretaries' desk and spoke in a strictly professional manner. He ignored her looking enviously at his titanium wedding ring. L had one, too. It was the only piece of jewellery she wore.

"Will do, Yagami-san," she chirped enthusiastically. He narrowed his eyes, displeased; he didn't like being called Yagami-san because it reminded him of his father.

After that, he headed towards the water cooler and grabbed a paper cup to quench his thirst. He almost choked on the water when he noticed his father's door open and the older man coming out with a manila folder. Stubbornly, he turned his back; he didn't have time for his father's issues when he had a set of his own.

After that, he headed towards the water cooler and grabbed a paper cup to quench his thirst. He almost choked on the water when he noticed his father's door open and the older man coming out with a manila folder. Stubbornly, he turned his back; he didn't have time for his father's issues when he had a set of his own.

He heard Mr. Yagami talk to the secretaries behind him. "I seem to have report missing in the folder," the chief was saying. "Is there a package waiting for me from court?"

"Oh, yes, there is," said one of the women and then she handed him a couple of papers. "Sorry, those must've fallen out."

"Right," Mr. Yagami didn't sound like he believed in her competence and he was about to leave when she remarked how much he had in common with his son.

Raito froze, eyes widening.

He didn't have to look back to know that his father's dark eyes were on him, eyeing him critically, objectionably, disappointedly.

"Yes, well," said the elderly man, adjusting his glasses, "I suppose I was a more obedient son."

Raito remained silent, the meaning of those words sinking in slowly like a lump of salt in water. When he heard his father's door shut, he crumpled the paper cup in his hand.

* * *

He was tired when he got back home. L was in the shower. She hardly showered. It had been two days since they'd hardly exchanged a word but he refused to be the first one to cave. Maybe it wasn't fair because she'd already apologised but these days, Raito felt particularly vindictive so he wanted to stay that way.

She hadn't gone into other cooking ventures for him and he felt grateful about that. He didn't think he'd be able to stomach it. But when he opened the fridge, he spotted the cold breakfast she'd prepared for him the other day and he paused – he'd thought that she'd have thrown it away, or better, fed it to Ryuuzaki their kitten. Who was growing up to be wild and stubborn as she was.

Jaw tightened, he slammed the door and decided to eat out.

Just as Raito was coming out of the kitchen, he saw L climbing down the stairs, rubbing her thick ebony hair with a towel and surprised to find him about to leave.

"Where are you going?" she asked in concern.

"Out," he responded and left the house, shoving his hands into his pockets, drawing his jacket tighter around himself and heading towards a local restaurant. Thankfully, the pavements had been cleared of all snow and so he hoped that there was no possibility of him slipping. His breath was coming out like smoke as he inhaled and he decided that it would have been a good idea to put on a muffler before coming out in this weather.

The cherry trees were naturally bare at this time of the year, their dark branches covered in white snow. L and he had often walked down this street during other seasons when the white flowers would be in full bloom and drift down gently towards them. He recalled how fascinated she looked every time a white petal landed in her dark, and he smiled.

And then he went back to being grumpy when he remembered that she thought Kira was more romantic than him. 

_But you and Kira are the same person._

Oh, screw that!

He kept walking.

It was warmer in the restaurant, he was pleased to find and he took a seat at the corner booth, away from prying eyes and ogling waitresses – it was bad enough that he had to deal with giggling secretaries at work and he ordered a hot bowl of rice and some steamed vegetables and shrimp. Rubbing his hands for warmth on the table top, he concentrated on an open newspaper lying near the salt and his eye caught a depressing headline about the rate of rapes rising in the city.

Raito looked away, disheartened.

How, he wondered, could the method of one man using vile notebook bring down the crime rate in a matter of months? (He conveniently ignored that he was said man.) No doubt the method was too extreme, too controversial but at least it worked and –

_But you and Kira are the same person_.

He growled under his breath and shook his head determinedly. He was not Kira! He would not slip into such treacherous thoughts and prove his wife right day by day.

Lunch came. It was served by a waitress whose skirt was too short for the weather and he kept a grave expression on his face so that she would attempt no conversation. Thankfully she got the hint and left.

He picked up the chopsticks, about to dive into the rice and veggies. But the food reminded him too much of what he'd seen in the fridge.

_She'd looked so hurt when he'd rejected the breakfast_.

For a moment, his appetite evaporated and he put away the chopsticks. (Had L eaten lunch yet?) Jaw tightening in determination, he picked up the chopsticks and forced himself to eat.

* * *

Saturday night came quick enough. Raito had been planning something nice and quite with L before she'd said those unforgivable words and while they were not spending any time together, dinner with Mrs. Yagami and Sayu was still on. He wasn't sure how he felt about meeting his mother and sister like this, excluding his father, but L would say that things were fine and something was definitely better than nothing.

At the moment, he was standing in front of the wardrobe mirror, dressed in a handsome black suit, fixing his tie, a gift from Watari. He'd considered not wearing that tie because it had something to do with L, but Watari was the one who'd presented it to him, not her, and so he decided that it was acceptable.

The door opened behind him. She was standing there in her normal jeans and shirt, with a black shawl wrapped around her and she looked so ridiculous that he wondered if she really had no fashion sense, or if she was doing this on purpose to irritate him.

Well, either way, he didn't care.

He noticed on the mirror that she was staring at him with those big black button eyes, posture laid-back with her bony arms hanging limp at her sides, hands shoved in her pockets. And she was looking at him expectantly, like a scruffy little dog begging for her owner's attention.

Raito swallowed inconspicuously and went about doing his tie, putting the slimmer end through the loop and drawing up the knot. He met her gaze coolly on the reflection. "Is there something you wanted?" he questioned with chill courtesy and he saw her expression change just for a millisecond before it turned blank again.

"No," she said, voice slightly hoarse. He wondered if she'd caught a cold. He swallowed the question in his mouth and ignored how bitter it tasted.

Things hadn't improved much between them: they were still sleeping in separate rooms and avoiding each other – well, actually, he'd been the one avoiding her because there'd been some occasions late at night when he'd been staying up late, working, and she had peeked into the room like she was spying on him.

She really was like a child.

And he was cruel to ignore any feelings of compassion for her, but he was still angry and he wouldn't be so quick to forgive her...the weird, annoying L-like things she said.

It was a twenty-minute drive to the restaurant that they'd all agreed to meet at, and there would be a table reserved under the name Yagami. On the drive, Raito glanced at the raven-haired detective, who seemed to be downcast, thumb between her teeth, and reached the conclusion that she had dressed like this tonight because she wanted his attention, for him to tell her to change into one of the many lovely outfits that he'd purchased for her. But no, he had ignored her and now she was upset because he wasn't going to make this easy for her.

She might as lie down on the floor in the foetal position with her thumb in her mouth.

(It was times like this that Raito could believe he really had been Kira.)

"How's Watari doing?" The question slipped out of his mouth before he could do anything to stop himself. He watched from the corner of his eye as she glanced at him, startled by his inquiry.

"He's fine," she replied and looked away. "I miss him."

Ah, so that was why she'd been so down lately. It wasn't about _him_. It was about _Watari_.

(Why was he thinking like an idiot?)

"Why don't you ask him to come down here?" he suggested casually, though there was something in his tone that informed her that he wasn't over it yet and she ought to keep her distance.

"I haven't talked to him as of late," said L.

Hadn't talked to Watari? Raito was under the impression that she and the old man plotted together on How To Get Back Your Man In Seven Days After Comparing Him With A Vigilante (Which He Used To Be). Now that was strange.

"Okay," he allowed and they exchanged a guarded look, like they must have many times in the past.

(Then why he couldn't remember?)

Sayu and Mrs. Yagami were already at a good table in the middle of the restaurant, under the pale yellow lights and aroma of delicious food. He felt himself choking up at the sight of them; it had been so long since he'd last seen them.

"Onii-chan," smiled Sayu, holding her arms out to him and she was wearing an elegant black dress and when he held her, he tried not to cry.

And then, his mother, her loving warmth enveloping him and he was a boy again.

The only thing missing from this scenario was his father.

"It's really good to see you," said Raito, hoping that his voice didn't quiver with overwhelming emotion but then, he saw Mrs. Yagami wipe a tear from the corner of her eye and he felt embarrassed.

"You, too," said the elderly woman and then she looked past Raito questioningly, hinting that she wanted something.

For a minute, the younger man was confused. And then he looked behind to find L standing there like an apparition, staring at him, subtle pain in her dark eyes that he'd forgotten that she existed.

"Mum," he said quietly, not taking his eyes off of his wife, "you've met L."

Mrs. Yagami had met L only twice. She had mostly heard of the detective from her children, and talked to her over the phone. She had wanted a picture of her many a time to show her off as her daughter-in-law, but was disappointed to hear that the detective never took pictures, it was important to keep the identity of L confidential.

Raito found himself hoping that his mother didn't disapprove of the gangly, messy-haired woman.

(Had Mrs. Yagami expected a sexy, beautiful woman like the detectives in the movies? Was she really taken aback at her son's choice in women?)

_L is a fine woman_, he insisted to himself.

Then his mother smiled warmly and took a step towards her daughter-in-law with welcoming arms. "Ryuuzaki," she said simply.

"It's nice to see you again, Mrs. Yagami, " L sounded a little shy, and despite himself, Raito was amused.

They took their seats and ordered and caught up with each other. Usually L was so taciturn but tonight, she made some effort to make a conversation with Sayu and Mrs. Yagami. He noticed this, of course, and when the dessert came at the end of the whole meal, they reached for it the same time and their hands brushed together. Their eyes met as if they were a man and a woman who had not yet fallen in love with each other. Raito kept his face expressionless and fixed a smile on his family. L said nothing and paid more attention to her cake.

No one mentioned Mr. Yagami. At the beginning of the dinner, Mrs. Yagami just made a small remark that her husband couldn't make it because he had business to attend to, but it went without saying that he didn't come because no one told him, and he didn't want to. Raito wasn't complaining, mind – he was having enough of seeing his father everyday at work; he didn't need to see him in his free time.

The free time that he would've been spending with L, loving her, taking care of her, if she hadn't said something so _insensitive_ to him.

"How are your studies going, Sayu?" he asked her. It was such a fatherly thing to ask but he missed the days when she would come to him, asking help for her maths homework.

(Where had those days gone?)

"Great," she smiled brightly at him.

"She did very well on her last finals," said her mother, smiling proudly at her daughter.

L nodded, eyes large. "That's very good."

"Enough about me," said the girl and there were a mischievous glint in her brown eyes as she looked up at her brother and sister-in-law. "What about you? Am I gonna be an aunt soon?"

Awkwardness reigned as Raito and L exchanged a surprised glance. They'd been civil enough with each other, keeping up a façade, a skill that both of them had mastered in the passing years, enough to fool everyone around them, but not each other. She turned back to her black forest cake and he cleared a throat.

"We're working on it," he forced out a smile. From the corner of his hand, he saw L's twiggy fingers tighten around her silver fork and he recalled with a pang that they had not been intimate ever since their fight.

"Well," Sayu grinned devilishly, "keep working. I want to hear that I'm going to become an aunt by the time I graduate."

Still forcing himself to smile, Raito replied, "Sure thing." L glanced his way but he ignored and for the rest of the night, even after going home, they said nothing to each other.

* * *

Morning. Hunger. Grogginess. Sunday.

Raito walked downstairs, absently noting that L was not in the living room and he strode into the kitchen, pulled open the door of the fridge door. He bent down to see what there was, only to find that morning's breakfast still on one of the metal grilled shelves.

Clamping his jaw tight, he slammed the door close.

Another day of starting the morning in a grumpy mood.

* * *

_Pale skin gleaming like ivory, almost translucent. White hands wrapping around his front and pulling him closer as he lost sight of all logic in the heat of passion..._

Raito opened his eyes. He was alone in the bed, blankets partially kicked away from his legs, beads of sweat on his forehead, breath coming out in short pants.

Another stupid morning of waking up alone with a _damn_ –

No, he was not going _there_.

But he missed L. He missed her unblinking stare. Her goofy posture. And her amazing skills in the bedroom.

Raito groaned and turned on his side, half-wishing that he could cry. A soft pillow met him in the face and without much second thought, he hugged the pillow close to him, pretending that it was L.

But it couldn't be L. It was too round and soft to be her, lacking her sharp edges and shapely contours, not to mention her dusky scent, the steady sound of her breathing and most importantly, her warmth, ability to _respond_.

He groaned again. There was a grey fog outside; it made him loath to get out of bed and he didn't have to since his shift today would start after lunch. But thoughts of what the raven-haired detective was up to obstacled him from going back to sleep and he lay there, awake with his eyes shut for a long time until he managed to push himself out of the comfort of the guest bed and trudge downstairs and after finding that she was not in the master bedroom.

She was perched on the sofa, her back against the cushions and when he stood before her, stealthy, Raito was surprised to find that she was..sleeping.

During the years that they'd been together, he never caught her sleeping like this - though Matsuda had once said he had. A spark of displeasure rose in him to think that another man had seen something about his wife that he hadn't, but he swiftly dowsed. There was no time to waste like that.

Gathering the shawl on the other table, he gently draped it out about her, making sure that there was no noise. And then he stepped back to admire how nicely the black brought out her pale complexion.

It took a great amount of self control for Raito to walk away, up the stairs and go back to sleep.

* * *

He went to work next morning without making eye contact with anyone in his office. Thankfully, no one dared to speak with him, especially the flirtatious secretary pool, when they saw his lips set in a grim line. People rushed aside to give him space to pass and the best part was, his father was nowhere in sight.

Nor was Matsuda, for that matter.

So Raito kept to himself all day, at least until lunchtime, and no one bothered him. As he trudged through the tedious paperwork, he kept thinking of L and she'd been gloomily eating a raspberry ice when he left the house today.

_Looks like she's hurting as much as you are._

At lunchtime, Raito went to the rooftop with coffee in a paper cup and a cold sardine sandwich and he thought of having her back in his arms again, at the expense of his pride.

"Oh, Raito-kun." It was Aizawa, leaning against the railing with a cigarette between his fingers, looking more stressed than usual. Raito didn't think that smoking was a healthy way to deal with stress. Sex was.

No wonder he had been so stressed lately.

He shook his head when Aizawa offered him a cigarette and smiled darkly. "Those things could kill you."

_As if they were any worse than the Death Note._

"Heh," Aizawa laughed and shook his head, blowing off the warning. "When you have three children, Raito-kun, you'll need more than a foot rub to wear off the stress.

Raito rather liked L's foot rubs. And the way things were progressing between them, he didn't perceive that they would have three children any time in the near future.

"How is your family doing, Aizawa-san?" asked Raito, leaning against the railing and taking a lifeless bite out of his sandwich.

"They're all right. My wife's been pretty cranky ever since our youngest was born and she believes that it's high time we got a car."

"Then why don't you?"

"Ah…being so swamped with work, I hardly get time. I told her to go to the car shop herself but she doesn't know a thing about driving."

"Oh. Take a day off then."

"Yeah, I want to. Soon." The older man blew out a ring of smoke. "So how's L doing? I haven't talk to her in a while."

Raito answered, "I haven't, either."

That got Aizawa's attention. He looked at Raito with a sharp eye. "What do you mean?" he asked. "You guys aren't splitting up, are you?"

The younger man shook his head. "We had a fight."

"About what?" Aizawa didn't sound too surprised about that since he had seen occasions where Raito and L had thrown punches at each other.

"She…she said that I used to be more romantic before." Raito shrugged and looked up at the grey sky. There was a lone black bird flying, like it was looking for its partner.

"Oh, man," Aizawa shook his head. "That must've hurt."

Raito nodded. "It did."

More people started coming to the rooftop and it was getting louder. He made a face; he had come here for some peace and quiet but this felt like an invasion of his privacy.

"Okay, look, Raito-kun," said Aizawa, stubbing out his cigarette and brushing his hands off on his jacket. "I know you haven't been married for long...and you have issues with your father."

Raito smirked slightly and nodded again.

"And you were with L for how long before you got married? Three, right?"

"Yeah." Raito waited to see where the other man was going with this.

"Well...sometimes the wife's gonna say stuff like that," Aizawa said kindly. "Married life is very different. I'm pretty sure you're found out that much by now."

"Yeah."

"And you might say things to get to each other. Hurtful things."

_Oh, he had no idea._

"But at the end of the day, if you're still in love and still together, then nothing else should matter." He smiled right then. "You should go and buy her flowers or something. Candy would be more appropriate. You know how women like stuff like that."

Hmm, he had a point.

By the time the clock struck five in the afternoon, Raito had made his decision.

* * *

Two days later, L was reading a book in the living room when Raito got back from work. Her jeans-clad knees were tucked under her chin, that black shawl wrapped around her, a poor substitute for Raito's arms.

He took note of this when he opened the door and saw her, and she looked back at him, eyes charcoal in the half-light, lips grim.

"Get ready," he told her briefly.

She gave him a questioning look, as though wondering if he was going to throw her out of the house now.

"We're going somewhere," he offered her a short explanation.

She nodded and went upstairs, the shawl dragging on the floor behind her. He waited patiently for her to get ready, feeling glad that she was not one of those women who would take hours to do their hair and make up. L hardly wore make up and she was loath to brush her hair. Sometimes Raito had to do it for her.

She came down five minutes later, her looking less ruffled than usual. She was wearing a smart black coat that came down to her knees, with matching black gloves, and a black-and-white chequered muffler wrapped around her neck.

He gaped at her inconspicuously. He wondered where she had gotten these clothes. And then he put it as something he had gifted to her a long time ago but she had never worn until now.

"What is it?" she asked curiously as he led her outside.

"You'll see," he replied, somewhat mischievous. Boy, did she have a surprise coming.

Obsidian eyes grew large with astonishment when they saw what was waiting on their doorstep.

"Oh," was all she said.

There was a carriage, sleek and black with leather seats, drawn by two gallant brown horses. The carriage itself was more like a buggy, actually (carriages were hard to book these days since the unmarried couples found them a good way to hang out in the winter) and it was decorated with colourful lights that he was sure she would be pleased by.

And there was an elderly man wearing a dark suit and coat, along with a black top hat, holding the reins, their 'tour guide' for the evening.

"Raito," she breathed in amazement, dazzled by everything. "You...you shouldn't have."

_But I wanted to_.

"So what you think?" he asked, unable to stop himself from grinning like a little boy. "I thought you might be impressed."

"I'm – I'm _very_ impressed." And she did sound very impressed indeed. And then she looked at him, questioning. "But what's the occasion?"

Oh, she could be so dense at times.

"Well," he answered carefully. "I guess I wanted to show you that I could be romantic, too."

She raised an eyebrow. _You mean, you're still romantic._

Whatever.

"And Ryuuzaki," he gestured towards the man. "He look familiar to you?"

She was even more amazed to see Watari lifting his top hat and smiling at her, a twinkle in his blue eyes.

"Watari!" she exclaimed happily like a little girl. "When did you get here?"

The former scientist chuckled and put his hat back on. "Last night," he said, and then glanced at Raito. "Yagami-kun made a very convincing case for me to come all the way down here, saying that you missed me." His eyes twinkled again.

L was beaming. "Really?" she turned to look at her husband, who simply smiled.

"Come on, let's take a ride."

It was quiet tonight. Not too many people were out of their houses in this cold weather. The main source of light on the dark streets was from the tall lampposts and they created a rather romantic atmosphere.

Raito and L sat quietly side by side, looking at the scenery as the carriage drove on. Neat little houses lined either side of the street and they saw people inside, eating, talking, kissing, studying. Raito felt like a supernatural spirit come to spy on mortals. He saw the wind brushing through L's thick locks and despite all her warm clothing, she still seemed vulnerable to the winter.

He reached out and took a gloved hand in his, rubbing it. She looked at him in surprise.

"Are you having fun?"

She nodded. "Raito-kun has outdone himself." She threw him a suggestive little smile that made his heart beat faster. Ah, he'd missed this feeling so much!

The double meaning of her words did not miss out on him. However, he decided to ignore it.

"It was very nice of you to summon Watari," she said gratefully. "I really did miss him."

"I know." He smiled. He wanted to ask her if she'd missed him but that question had an obvious answer. "It was the least I could do."

"Does this mean that you've forgiven me?" it was deeply moving how hopeful she sounded when she said that.

Raito took a deep breath. He finally settled for "More or less." He glanced at her. "I didn't want you to feel..._unloved_."

It was L's turn to take a deep breath. "Raito-kun," she said, her voice deep and he braced himself. "It's true you used to be more romantic before. But I don't miss that life, if that make sense. I want what I have here now with you." She smiled softly, shyly. "I admit that I think of the things you used to say to me. Sometimes – I wish you would remember." She fell silent then, as though thinking that maybe she shouldn't have said that.

But for once, Raito decided to let it slip.

"I wish I could, too."

She looked at him, taken aback by his answer. "Oh, Raito," she breathed, hurt and pained, and then their lips met for the first time in days, and he felt a warm glow pass through him. And thought that even if he couldn't remember, surely the present (and the future) were better than the past.

She was quiet when the kiss was over, searching for something to say. And then she sighed.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I really am. I didn't mean to offend you."

"No, no. I understand." He glanced at her. "You know I don't remember what I used to be like. I know Kira as a bastard so it's hard for me to understand sometimes how he could've been good to you."

She seemed hesitant to move closer to him. "He had his good sides and his bad sides," she acquiesced diplomatically. "But Raito, it doesn't matter. I'm with _you_, _your_ wife. Not the queen of his new world. You have to realize that."

"I do," he said sincerely. "I really do." He sighed and shook his head. "God, I feel like such an idiot."

"Don't. I think I deserved it, too."

He laughed. She smiled. He slipped an arm around her slim shoulders, pulling her nearer, feeling complete when her head rested under his chin. "So you did. Just don't say stuff like that, okay?"

"Okay," she nodded, hair ticking his throat.

He really had missed her.

* * *

Later that night, they were lying in their own bed, L tucked at his side and a plate on his chest.

"You know, you shouldn't eat that," she advised him as he scooped little pieces of meat and eggs and popped them in his mouth. "I cooked that a week ago."

"It still tastes good," he said. "Frankly, I'm surprised. I didn't think you'd be able to whip up something decent after your interesting accident in the kitchen on my birthday."

She didn't react. "Wise people are wont to learn from their mistakes."

"That's true. I'm starting to think that letting you near the kitchen might not be a bad idea after all."

"A wife should not be judged by her cooking skills. And – I think you should eat something else, Raito, that's brocolli's starting to look a little…_unhealthy_."

He downed it. "Doesn't matter. Sex makes me hungry."

She blinked. "You'll get sick."

"Well, then I'll know who to blame, won't I?"

"You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"

"Oh, absolutely." He smiled at her to show he was kidding. "You know, the entire time, I didn't enjoy anything else because I kept thinking that you cooked this for me and I didn't eat it."

She quirked her lips. "Well, I was hurt but like I said – I deserved it. I never thought I'd have to cook for you. I was under the impression that you would do all the menial chores."

"Which I do," he pointed out and she chuckled.

"Still," she said, "I think Kira was a great catch."

The food was gone now, the plate on the nightstand and he pulled her closer. "Is that so?" he smiled. "Well, you have caught me. And I am yours forever."

She laughed and laid her head on his chest. "I'm so happy."

"Why?"

"You're talking to me."

"I missed you, too." He kissed her lazily, lacing his fingers through hers. "How about going away to Jeju Island for the weekend?"

She was surprised. "Are you serious?"

"We still haven't had our honeymoon," he pointed out. "And my parents are still expecting grandchildren."

"You mean, just your mother and sister." She pouted.

"My father would, too, if he didn't hate me so much."

"He'll come around. Don't worry."

"It's been two years already, L." He started feeling sad. "You know, the other day he was saying that he used to be a more _obedient_ son." He shook his head. "I can't believe it. All those years of being the perfect son and just one act of defiance makes me the bad guy."

L glanced up at him. "That's human nature, Raito-kun. When we are hurt by those we love, we forget all their acts of kindness." She snuggled against him. "I really do think he'll come around. We'll just have to be patient."

Raito thought of his father, the tension at his workplace and how people would whisper behind their backs. He thought of his mother and sister sneaking out to talk to him and meet with him, and how he been to his house in months.

"I hope you're right," he responded. He decided to change the subject. "Does this mean you'll go to Jeju Island with me?"

"You know I've been wanting to go there forever."

"And we can try for children there?"

"_That_ will have to wait."

A/N: I started this oneshot last month and thankfully, it's finished now; I wish I could've made it longer (and better) but laziness and time constraints ;. I hope you enjoyed reading it and do let me know your thoughts. 


End file.
